need another drink. this is the easiest way
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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