There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
