im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
