the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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