I wanna bring you to show and tell
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
