I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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