Can i not drive my cunt home
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
