Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
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Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Randomize