I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
