I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I queefed so loud it echoed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
