I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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