I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
