I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
