Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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