Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
