she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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