By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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