remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
