I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
