If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
