is your mom at the bar?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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