I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
