She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
