He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
