found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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