I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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