pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
