Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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