So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
