Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
