I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
