so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
