literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
