I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
