tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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