My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
