Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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