I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i think i just lost a toe
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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