I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
