Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
