She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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