u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
