Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
