Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
