Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
