I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
