I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
