Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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