you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize