we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
