Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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