I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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