oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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