Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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