the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
