Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
