i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
