I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
