It's a beautiful day for a hangover
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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