I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?