I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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