Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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