I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize