Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
