Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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