There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
