I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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