I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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