I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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