first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
