i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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