I think I just saw someone hide a body.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
