It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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