I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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