I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
