Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
