yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
