im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
