My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
