i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
