He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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