Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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