tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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