Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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