I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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