he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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