I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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