I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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