I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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