Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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